Respond to this quote from Dr. Karyn Purvis: “You have chosen the destination; it is non-negotiable. Let the child help you choose the path.”
Dr. Purvis pointed out a mistake she made with a little girl to an entire audience. As you learn how to love children/teens well using TBRI and TCC, how able are you to see your own mistakes and keep moving forward?
How can a child both want and fear nurturing relationships?
What does Dr. Purvis mean by ending “solid”?
In your own words, describe what Dr. Purvis says is the real explanation for why kids “self-sabotage” fun events in the family.
What did Dr. Purvis explain regarding consequences as a result of poor behavior? How can they be used effectively, and when do they only serve to distance us?
Give an example of a recent correction opportunity, and explain how you or someone else used each element of the IDEAL response.
Have you ever kept a journal of a child's behavior and had it lead to discovering a sensory processing issue? Or discovered the issue by patient observation of the child? Share about your experience.
Did listening to this session make you thankful for the way God designed the senses to work? Write about one thing that stood out to you.
Describe a time when you experienced the fight/flight/freeze response. What senses can you identify being involved in the build-up to that moment?
What did you learn about the vestibular, proprioceptive, and/or tactile senses?
How will you be more conscious this week of meeting the sensory needs of the kids you serve?
Do you know your own attachment style? If so, how did you identify it?
Have you ever talked with anyone about the way you grew up? If not, find someone (maybe from your book club group) who would like to sit with you and listen to what your childhood was like. For your answer to this question, write about how the experience of sharing about your childhood went.
Share some thoughts you had as you listened to the Adult Attachment Interview.
Share how some small trauma from your past affects the way you view things now (the speaker talked about her sensitivity to bullying).
What are the things that trigger your “shark music?”
Terri Coley shared about the behaviors they saw in one of their adopted children, including lying and stealing. These types of behaviors are common in kids who have learned to adapt and survive however they can. Before we can change how we treat others, we need to be honest with where we are. How do these behaviors affect you? Are you able to look past them to the need, or do you often struggle with frustration?
Mrs. Coley also says, had they known then what they know now, they would have done a lot of things differently. Think about a time when you handled a behavior or a need differently than you would handle it now. Share what you did then, and what you would do now.
Dan Coley talks about two light bulb moments for him, when he began to understand the long-lasting impacts of trauma on kids from hard places. Share a lightbulb moment for you, when you started to see things differently.
Mr. Coley explained how he came to understand that implicit memories were impacting the way he did relationships. How have you grown in your ability to connect with people as a result of revisiting some of your implicit memories?
The attachment relationship with a primary caregiver affects all other relationships. Think about a child who struggles with relationships. What does their behavior tell you about what that child believes regarding the way relationships work.
Why is understanding our own attachment style important as we seek the emotional health of our kids?
Share about how understanding your own attachment style helped you to do relationships in a more joyful and connecting way.
What one thing can you focus on this week as you seek to build better relationships (healthy touch, quality & warm eye contact, playful engagement, etc.)?
As you become more aware of the importance of attachment in yourself and the kids you serve, how might that awareness also change the way you view and relate the adults you work with?
Think about what the children you serve need. Look past daily survival and think about what makes them precious and unique. With that in mind, write down a few thoughts after you read this quote by Dr. David Cross: “Without the relationship, we can make no progress whatsoever.”
In your own words, describe mindfulness. How are you working toward being mindful with kids from hard places? Has this been a process for you?
Share a story about how you learned to empower your kids physiologically.
Share a story about how you learned to empower your kids ecologically.
What are some ways that you have learned to help guide your kids through transitions?
By being proactive, we teach our kids when they are most able to learn. It is impossible to teach them when they are thinking in their fear brain. Knowing this, think about what types of relational situations put you in your fear brain. How can you prepare yourself ahead of time for those scenarios?
Think about a time when you shared power. How did you feel when you shared power, and what was the result of that choice you made?
Which part of the IDEAL response approach to correcting is easiest for you? Which is most difficult?
Dr. Karyn Purvis shares several stories of children she worked with directly - children who seemed beyond hope of healing. She shared that every child is able to come to some degree of healing. Do you believe this? Have you seen it? Does a particular situation make you doubt it?
Why is touch (or symbolic touch) so important in the life of a child who came from a hard place?
Dr. Purvis shared the idiom, “Recovery of function recapitulates development of function.” Talk about how this translates to the work and ministry that you do each day?
Balance of emotions and behavior comes two ways: 1) I balance my child’s emotions by meeting their needs, and 2) I teach them how to do it for themselves. Dr. Purvis says, “Don’t expect it until you’ve mentored it.” How can you help mentor people toward emotional and behavioral balance this week? Share two ideas.
“We’re not looking for a rocket scientist; we’re looking for a child who can be joyful...we’re looking for a child who knows who he is.” Can you take this statement by Dr. Purvis and relate it to your relationship with your heavenly Father? Share some thoughts on that, and how you have grown as a Christian as you’ve learned about being trauma-informed.
The work that we are doing is beautiful, it is necessary, and it can be so very hard. What are some Scriptures that you run to on the hard days?