DQ - Conclusion - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. You may know your child’s past and you have probably thought about what their future could be. What are two attainable ways you can help bridge the past and the future by connecting with them in the present?

  2. On the days when connecting and integrating don’t come easily, what are some things you can remind yourself of to keep going?

  3. Write about a time when you made a mistake with a child, but were able to go back and make things right with them. Was your connection with the child worse, the same, or better afterward?

DQ - CH6 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. Describe what the authors mean by “Insight + Empathy = Mindsight.”

  2. In what context do you feel an especially strong sense of “we”?

  3. Choose one quote from the chapter as a “take-away.”

  4. “[Children] learn whether relationships will leave them feeling alone and unseen; anxious and confused; or felt, understood, and securely cared for” (emphasis mine). How has your understanding of this concept shaped the way you want to do relationships in the present and the future?

  5. Think about the relationships a child you serve has had with authority figures past and present (including yourself). Write some adjectives to describe the way they may view authority figures based on those relationships.

  6. Write some thoughts you had when you read the section, “Cultivating a ‘Yes’ State of Mind: Helping Kids Be Receptive to Relationships” from p. 129.

  7. Write about an experience you’ve had of Connection through Conflict.

  8. Respond to the following quote from p. 143: “While it’s not exactly a revelation that kids do better when they enjoy strong relationships with their parents, what may surprise you is what produces this kind of parent-child connection. It’s not how our parents raised us, or how many parenting books we’ve read. It’s actually how well we’ve made sense of our experiences with our own parents and how sensitive we are to our children that most powerfully influence our relationship with our kids, and therefore how well they thrive.”

DQ - CH 5 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. Create your own Wheel of Awareness to practice the first component of mindfulness: understanding your own mind.

  2. The authors encourage us to acknowledge our feelings, while at the same time separating them from who we are. Write out a list of some of the feelings you experienced today.

  3. Many fears stem from a loss of control. How might the Wheel of Awareness help with that?

  4. Practice having a conversation with a child you know, going through the SIFT acronym. Describe how it went (see example on p. 110).

  5. From the last pages of the chapter, read and think through “Integrating Ourselves: Looking at Our Own Wheel of Awareness.” You can change the questions to fit your circumstances. Write about how your state of mind changed as you went through the exercise.

DQ - CH 4 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. In your own words, explain how memory is like an association machine.

  2. Give personal examples of implicit and explicit memories.

  3. From Tina’s example (pp. 73-76), can you think of one child you work with who would benefit from a similar strategy?

  4. Why is it so important to assemble the pieces of implicit memory, and how do we do that?

  5. Write about your favorite whole-brain strategy from Chapter 4.

DQ - CH 3 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. Consider this matter-of-fact statement: “Sometimes [kids] can use their upstairs brain, and sometimes they can’t” (p. 44). Do your responses to children and other adults reveal that you do or that you don’t believe that to be true?

  2. In your own words, describe the difference between an upstairs-brain tantrum and a downstairs-brain tantrum. What kinds of responses do the two different types of tantrums require?

  3. Describe a time when you practiced the technique, “Connect and redirect.”

  4. From this chapter, we learned about the way the upstairs brain becomes stronger as we learn to make choices and weigh pros and cons. What are some ways that you can play a part in encouraging kids to make choices?

DQ - CH 2 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. Does understanding the difference between the left and right hemispheres of the brain help you to be more compassionate and curious about the behavior of children? Give an example.

  2. This chapter delves into the integration of both hemispheres of our brain. In your own words, describe what integration means. You can use an example if that helps.

  3. In a difficult situation, do you tend to run to the safety of your logical left brain or do you let yourself fully experience the rush of emotions and live out of your emotional right brain?

  4. When a child (or another adult) is retreating from their emotions, Siegel and Bryson recommend “feeling their feelings” with them in order to build connection and let them “feel felt.” You can do this as you ask the other person to share a story about what they are experiencing. Find a time to practice this today with intentionality, and then share what happened.

  5. When a child (or another adult) is being illogical and experiencing a rush of emotions, Siegel and Bryson recommend connecting with them emotionally instead of trying to argue with logic. Find a time to practice this today with intentionality, and then share what happened.

  6. On p. 27, the authors liken “connecting before redirecting” to swimming out to save a drowning child before reminding them not to swim out so far next time. What is an analogy you can think of along the same lines?

  7. Why is retelling the story of a stressful event helpful? What techniques that the authors suggested did you appreciate?

DQ - CH 1 - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. Think about your own childhood. Did your parents help you talk through your more challenging experiences? Give an example.

  2. What is one major benefit of being present and allowing a child to tell and retell their story? What obstacles get in the way of that?

  3. Think about the last time you were with a child who became disintegrated. Describe what happened.

  4. If it’s true that every interaction you have with a person plays a part in shaping your brain and the other person’s, how does knowing that change the value you place on those interactions?

  5. According to p. 9, what is the difference between resolved and unresolved fear?

  6. On which side of the “river of well-being” do you tend to find yourself more? What does that look like for you, and how do you navigate your way back to the healthy middle of the river?

  7. Provide a recent example you have seen of getting too close to the bank of rigidity, and another example of getting too close to the bank of chaos.

DQ - INTRO - The Whole-Brain Child

Discussion Questions

  1. From p. viii, “What qualities do you hope [your children] develop and take into their adult lives?...Now think about what percentage of your time you spend intentionally developing these qualities in your children.”

  2. What would you say is the difference between looking for perfection in our kids, versus helping them to be themselves?

  3. Typically, we want to save our kids from difficult experiences. As a Christian, how has your heavenly Father used difficult experiences in your life to allow you to grow?