What particularly resonated with you from this session?
In what ways does your pain “inform” you, and in what ways does it sometimes “lead” you?
Respond to this quote about “owning” your own history: “You can’t give something to God if you don’t own it” (p. 169).
Share a way that you have connected with a child/teen in your care.
How do you deal with discouragement in your role? Share some things that have been helpful for you, and that may encourage others in your group.
Describe a time when an exciting event was followed by a tantrum or meltdown.
What kinds of things did you learn that you can immediately incorporate into your interactions with kids?
Write about one example from Scripture of when God, or one of God’s people, cared holistically for someone.
From “Opening Questions:” What advice did people give you before you [were in your role] that you laugh at now?
How are you prepared for maladaptive behavior? What is your plan for when it happens?
Think about when you spend time with kids from hard places. What kind of “pace” do you have? Are you rushed? Or do you take your time, simplify, and slow down?
What is a specific problem that tends to come up frequently? Write out a plan for what to do the next time it happens.
From “Opening Questions:” What do people typically mean when they feel blessed by God or other people?
Which of the passages of Scripture from this session resonated with you?
The book states, “If you had instrumental care, you will want to do a healing process in a safe place. Even if you had nurturing care, you can still do better.” Write down one thing you will do this week to pursue healing. If you don’t want to share this with the group, please let your facilitator know.
From Group Discussion, “It’s not intuitive to give power to a defiant child. What can you learn from Rosie’s hair washing story about her defiance, her needs, and Dr. Purvis’s response?”
From Group Discussion, “Refer to the Dealing with Defiance chart. Share a time when you used a connection versus a distancing strategy.”
As you think about the States of Alert, what are a few of the signs in each level you will be more aware of this week?
How will your touch be different depending on the State of Alert a child is in?
What did you learn about Tone, Volume, and Cadence of voice?
What does Dr. Purvis mean when she says by giving a child voice we then disarm fear, aggression, and much of the power of their history?
What are some ways that you have effectively given voice to a child who didn’t have voice?
From Group Discussion, “Read 1 Kings 19:11-13 again and discuss how you are listening for God’s quiet whisper in a loud world.”
Think back to a time when you recently corrected a child’s behavior. How well did you do with each of the IDEAL Response components?
When you correct a child’s behavior, do you typically feel more or less connected to that child? What is something you learned from this session that can help you to strengthen connections?
How comfortable do you feel offering Re-Do’s? Do you give yourself the same amount of grace with your mistakes as you give to a child for theirs?
Would you describe your most natural style of engagement with the children you serve as Authoritative, Permissive, Neglectful, or Authoritarian? Has that changed as you’ve gained knowledge and experience?
Read through “You Are ‘The Good Boss’” on p. 79 of your workbook. Write about something that you hadn’t realized before, or something you needed to be reminded of.
“I (Karyn) may be the most demanding person that has been in this child’s life...I may also be the most joyful” (p. 82). Explain how these two seemingly opposed characteristics can blend into one parenting/caregiving style.
Where in Scripture do you see an example of Shared Power?
In your own words, explain the importance of life value scripts.
Dr. Purvis says that life values are “caught,” not “taught.” Knowing this, what are some of the life value terms you would like to show better to the kids you serve? Use p. 68 for a list of life value terms, if needed.
From p. 68 in the workbook, share 3 teaching examples you thought of to help a child learn the corresponding life value terms.
What is your goal as you connect with and correct a child?
Within our ministry we want to create a culture of TCC. This will be reflected in relationships between staff and children, but also between staff and other adults. Give an example of when someone showed you love and acceptance, which drove away your fear.
Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us. He didn’t expect us to figure things out on our own and then come to Him when we could “speak His language.” Instead, He humbled Himself and became one of us. How have you, or how has someone you know, been able to follow this example of Christ in the context of working with children?
“A primary way connection is achieved is through expressing ourselves verbally to those who will listen, understand, and care enough to respond. The barrier is that fear silences our children’s voice” (p. 59). Write a response to this quote.
Growing up, do you remember saying to yourself, “When I have kids I will (or won’t) do things differently than my parents”? What made you want to do things differently, and what things do you think your parents did well? (Adapted from the opening questions on p. 26)
Understanding a child’s history is what helps us understand their behavior. Oftentimes in our work, we don’t know a child’s history. Share some strategies or a story you have for how you have been able to use detective work to understand what a child’s behavior indicates about their history.
What are some of the sensory needs you have noticed in the kids you serve? How can you help meet those needs?
Learning about a child’s fear response to sensory overload can be very interesting, but are you able to look at a child in the moment and see the indicators of fear (rapid and shallow breathing, tightened jaw muscles, and dilated pupils)? Share about a time when you did notice, and what you did once you understood what was happening.
Dr. Purvis shared that the heart of God is that we are connected in order to be whole. Read 1 Corinthians 12-13 and write a verse that you want to meditate on throughout the week as you pursue connection with others in Christ.
Share some insights you gained about yourself or a child you serve (or preferably both!) from using the chart on pp. 30-31.
Share a recent example of when a child’s behavior was baffling or frustrating for you. As you think about that, is it more likely that the child was:
Unable to understand what they think, feel, want, or need, OR
A sensory processing issue?
Either in general or with a specific child, answer:
What has been going really well?
What is the really challenging part right now?
What is your greatest need?
From page 19, question 6: Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. Isaiah 58:9 (NIV)
How does this verse encourage you personally?
How does this verse encourage you to respond to your child’s needs?
The first large paragraph on p. 20 mentions the healing that can happen when a child learns to “fully embrace their past, present, and future.” When hard things have happened in their past, how can we help them to embrace that? What are some biblical examples of this happening?
As a Christian, did you ever struggle with an authority figure correcting you all of the time about behaviors? How did that make you feel? There is a sentence on p. 23 that reads, “...our primary goal with the child is relationship - and new behaviors emerge out of those safe, loving relationships.” Have you seen this play out in your walk with God? How does relationship lead to changed behavior with our heavenly Father?