Has God laid on your heart any past beliefs or behaviors that don’t fit with your new identity in Christ? Why do you think it has it been difficult to leave those things behind?
Please give a brief description of this resource to help others understand what it’s all about, and whether you found it helpful.
What did you think as you read the “A/B” chart recording of a child’s behavior over the course of 14 weeks?
As you have pursued change and growth in your own life, how do setbacks make you feel? Have you considered how the children/teens you serve may feel about experiencing setbacks in their own behavior?
Looking at the passage in James, how have you seen God use your struggles to learn and apply TCC/TBRI principles to make you more spiritually mature?
From “Questions to Consider:” List 3 ways in which [a specific] child’s behavior and/or your relationship with that child has improved, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
As we think about meeting the mind, soul, and body of the children/teens we serve, we also need to think about how we meet our own needs. Name one way you meet each of those 3 needs for yourself.
How have you grown in your ability to see the needs of the kids you serve, versus only seeing their behavior (positive or negative)?
How have you been set up to succeed in your role? Who has played a part in that?
How do you actively set kids/teens up to succeed?
In what ways do you feel unequipped or unable to succeed?
Think about the love and affection that every child should get as a newborn. Now take a moment and really think through what the beginnings of life might have felt like to a child you work with. How does it make you feel to see the difference between what should have happened for them and what actually happened?
With the story of Paul and Barnabas interacting with John Mark, Barnabas had to see past the offense to John Mark’s heart and the potential. Share a story you know of when someone gave a child (or an adult) a second chance, and how that made an impact on the people involved.
John 15:12 tells us to love each other the way that God has loved us. Do you see parallels in the misbehavior of children and how you sometimes act toward your heavenly Father?
Share a story of when you encountered outright defiance from a child. Don’t share what you did; instead, we’ll take time as a group to talk through some ideas together of what might be effective in that situation.
Think of a biblical example of when God connected with His people (or with one person) as He corrected them.
Why do you think we sometimes feel so threatened by the outright defiance of a child? What feelings does a situation like that bring up in you?
“We are responsible for connecting with and correcting our children in a way that shows them the love of Jesus.” Is there someone in your life who did this with you? Share a little about that experience.
Think of a particular child you serve. If you look at yourself through that child’s eyes, would you see yourself as loving? Overly permissive? Safe? Harsh? Write a little about what you would see based on how you interact with that child.
Oftentimes we abandon connection because we are too focused on another goal. In this chapter of Created to Connect, that goal was a family photo. Write about a time when you had a goal other than connection, and what happened.
Think about a time when you corrected a child in an un-IDEAL way. Think through what happened, and re-write that story using the IDEAL response. How would that story be different if you could have a re-do?
Think of 2 of the life values you find particularly important. Think of a specific person who modeled each one to you, or of a particular instance in which you learned their importance.
Think about the way that Jesus used parables to teach His followers. Give an example of when you used this approach instead of just giving commands.
From Questions to Consider and Discuss: “What values do you most want your child to learn and live? How do you teach those values to your child? Do you consistently model them?”
Think about some of the behaviors that you would like to see your child leave behind. Do you model any of those behaviors to your child?
Fear can be the influencing force behind much of a child’s behavior. For adults, fear can cause us to be anxious and worried. Fear separates us from each other and causes us to turn inward and feel alone. What are some things that God tells us in His Word to help us combat fear in our lives?
As God helps us to turn from fear to trust, we experience a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. It is a lifelong process, and we are inviting the kids we serve to join us on the journey of learning to trust. Tell a story about when you or someone you love took one step toward trust and away from fear. What kind of liberty did that bring?
From Questions to Consider and Discuss: Thinking about it from your child’s perspective, has your child experienced a lack of felt safety where they are “safe” but they clearly do not feel safe? What kinds of behaviors come from this type of situation?
“When children give voice to their fears, they can begin to gain mastery over them” (p. 36). Do you see evidence of this in your own life and in the lives of the kids you serve? Give an example.
It may be tempting sometimes to simply explain to a child that they are no longer in any danger, and to use logic to diminish their fears. Being with them as they overcome those fears takes a lot more time and energy than one conversation! What kinds of things do you need to remember in order to help a child overcome some of their fears?
Think about the story recorded in Matthew 18 of when the disciples were arguing about who was the greatest. Instead of chastising them for arguing, Jesus called a child to Himself and told His disciples to become like children themselves. In this story we can see that Jesus certainly saw the value in children, but He also valued His disciples. He didn’t put His hand up and walk away, or tell them forcefully to stop being so selfish. He was gentle and kind, and went for the heart. That is the way He loves us, and He commissions us to love others in the same way. Is there a child God has put in your life with whom you are genuinely connecting? How have you seen gentleness and kindness make a difference for that child?
Challenge yourself before an interaction this week to ask yourself, “What is the goal?” Write about how that changed your behavior.
“Many of our children desperately want to be loved, to feel that they have worthand to feel connected, yet their pain is so deep, the void so large and the confusion so great that they often act in ways that inhibit rather than promote the very thing they desire.” How does understanding this change the way that you view misbehavior in the children you serve?
Think about some recent interactions you have had. How do those interactions line up with Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13?
How does a child’s start in life help influence the way he views God?
When we don’t know a child’s history, what are some good ways to begin a relationship with them? Share an example of something that has worked well for you, and an example of when you didn’t approach things in a wise and compassionate way. We can learn from each other’s victories and mistakes!
“True compassion moves us to action” (p. 21). From the story of the Good Samaritan, think about a time when someone you interact with was like the injured man. Were you able to take action to help, or was it easier to ignore their needs and walk away?
From Questions to Consider and Discuss: Of the three aspects of compassion highlighted in the Parable of the Good Samaritan (i.e., having genuine concern, stopping and acting, and engaging in an ongoing process of healing and restoration), what is the most difficult one for you to consistently exhibit with your child? Why?
From More Questions: How can you best show compassion toward your child even when you don’t feel compassionate?
From the introduction: “The longing of the human heart is to connect and belong.” Do you agree with that statement? How have you felt that longing in your own heart? How do you see it in the kids you interact with?
From chapter 1 discussion questions: Thinking about your adoption or foster care [or Back2Back staff] journey, what challenges or issues have you encountered (or do you expect to encounter) that have caused (or could cause) you to lose hope?
As you work as a healing agent in the lives of kids from hard places, where does your hope come from? Is there a particular verse or story you can share to encourage the group?
From “More questions…”: Thinking back to Cheryl’s story, “The Gardens of Life,” what are some of the beautiful things (i.e., characteristics, traits, qualities, etc.) that are present in your child’s life? What are some of the “weeds” in your child’s life that need to be attended to?
From “More questions…”: Has there been someone in your life, or someone you have observed or been influenced by that exhibited [a] balance of nurture and structure? How did they do it? What impact did it have?
From “More questions…”: Think of a time when your child might have needed or been asking for (whether with words or behaviors) one type of interaction (nurture or structure) and you provided the other. What was the result for him/her? What was the result for you?